Living In A World Without You...

Dear Nobody,


In a world where the Internet is everything, suddenly having it taken away feels like you're suddenly missing something as vital as an arm - or more likely part of your brain. Being stuck in the middle of Snowdonia, in a miniscule village in the middle of nowhere, in my parent's house and having the internet essentially disappear is like being thrust into the middle of my own horror movie - especially if you're an internet-addicted tech-head like me. There are things you do without even a second thought with that you probably take for granted that you do online now - check your bank accout or credit card satement, pay bills, look up inane or strange things on Google or Wiki, or even write or read your favourite blogs. And that's not even covering the Facebook/Twitter/Skype etc communications. 

    As someone who trying to write, not being able to access or save my work and notes as uual from Dropbox is a nightmare - saving to the local hard drive is a foreign concept now, especially having being burned enough times by fried hard drives and stolen laptops - everything is now kept on exteral HDD and online servers simultaniously. Backups are backed up and also there is no need to carry aout flash drives if work is on an online server. Now iCloud is a permenant fixture, and App Store and iBooks are my new favourite entertainment centres, I feel I am missing out on new things and unable to back up everything from my iPod Touch onto the fabulous new iCloud is nearly sending me into a panic. I'm left wishing I had invested in an iPad 2 3G instead of wifi-only iPod Touch. Especially after I realised my train tickets home to London are online e-tickets and are still unprinted (though in this day and age of the tech- and eco-mad you'd think they'd accept a e-copy on yur BB/iPhone and save paper in printing them).

    Currently only able to access the internet with my BB Curve 9300 3G, I'm being shown the limitations of this device, nd seeing why so many have turned to the iPhone instead, investing in the all-in-one option - there are few limitations to Apple products, and with the iPhone apps being the most popular and best stocked of all the platforms, it really outshines everything, especially when you realise you have only your tiny, rather underskilled BlackBerry to work with. 


I tell you, writing this through the BB OS6 browser running on an internitant, mediocre GPRS signal was a feat of teeth-grinding patience and attention to detail. Kind wishing now had the new iPhone 4S instead and the Blogger app! 

Silver Lining?

Dear Nobody,

Well I got the shock of my life when I looked in the mirror today and saw that where my roots were growing out I had at least 50% grey there instead of brown. Now, I've had greying hair since my early 20s - but I didn't imagine I'd have over 50% grey at age just 30 (and a half). It looks like someone's dumped a bag of flower on my head.
I hate the fact that my hair is (very) prematurely ageing. I do not like the fact my roots are no longer really brown. The Other-Half says I look like a squirrel cross-breed - half red, half grey... Which I'm not impressed with, no matter how cute and sweet that sounds! It means my hair follicles are old and broken and I'm not exactly happy about it!
However I am trying to find the silver lining in the middle of the grey. I'm hoping the wiry, harsh, Brillo Pad-esque hair now coming out. I'm hoping that it will make my hair dye take better and come out more and more bright at it covers more grey than brown... it says on the box that it's not recommended for grey hair because it ends up extremely vibrant - and I say Bring It On! The dye and conditioners will also hopefully soften them some more too, because the ones at the roots seem quite harsh and wiry.
Tomorrow the grey will be combatted and attacked with my favourite dye - Superdrug (own brand) Intense Hot Red - it's great stuff! I love the colour, and hopefully, given there's so much grey, the roots will come out quote bright and have a great vibrant red colour.
And I won't look like I have a bag of flour poured on my head, either.



From
Me x

The Same SAD In Reverse

Dear Nobody,

As everybody probably flocks to the parks during this insane October (and late September) heatwave, I am huddled behind closed curtains and under comforters thanks to the weather exacerbating a condition I already have enough misery struggling with throughout parts of spring and summer.
I actually hope that RSAD - Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder - makes it into the DSM with its counterpart as it is just as devastating and debilitating as its sister disorder. And while sufferers with the "original" SAD are probably dancing in joy at all the shiny light and basking in the heat outside, I am defenceless against the raging misery, depression, hopelessness and tears that constantly overwhelm me and - frankly - frighten me. I have bad ways of dealing with these feelings that I find quite compulsive and very, very difficult to control and fight with myself on a minute-by-minute basis through very day those feeling are there. It's utterly exhausting, and then that exhaustion then just makes everything even worse.
It almost feels like an insulting kick in the teeth - I struggle through the long and "warm" days (anything over 16C is too warm for me) of summer and rather look forward to the cooler, shorter - and eventually cold, dark and bleak - days because I get well-needed respite from the horrific feelings I have to endure forced on me by bright sunlight and hot temperatures, and I can actually go out again without fearing panic attacks, misery and tears.
The thing is, there is nothing you can do to help with his really - the other SAD people can get those light boxes and they apparently help with getting through the dark and cold days of the winters that I look forward to. There is no "dark" box that helps - the only respite is to hide yourself in a dark room with a fan and a fluffy comforting blanket as your brain short-circuits into agonising misery, and you mop up your tears of hopelessness and talk yourself out of doing something destructive to yourself. Oh the fun joys of summer days...
The last couple of weeks, and next week show minimums of hitting about 23C and have so far skyrocketed to closing in on 30C - so much for looking forward to the sweet October autumn and getting away from the misery of summer. I really do hope it's over soon. I would really like to leave my house and go out eventually... Being a prisoner of the sun is not the autumn that I had in mind. I even went to the bother of buying a lovely warm new coat... And what a bloody waste of money that was. Should have spent the money on a hole I could live in for the next few weeks, until the weather decides to stop being as crazy as I am...



From
Me x